Let it flow

Nearing the end of my day today, I realized it was pretty normal. Taught to a brave and willing crowd at my local studio Bend and Bloom, skyped with mom and dad (which is new for them and so thrilling), and did laundry. To think that 3 days ago, I momentarily thought my world would end when I heard that 2 of my Anusara colleagues were resigning their Certification.

I really did have a moment of panic when word went around that Darren Rhodes and Christina Sell were resigning. Both of them have been stellar teachers and mentors in the greater Anusara community for some time; Darren, as the exemplary practitioner of asana and model/co-creator of the famed syllabus poster, and Christina, a powerhouse as example of clear communication and deep commitment on the path. They are going to create their own “thing” or style of yoga, and I’m sure it’s going to be filled with everything they are.

That’s how I feel now, but that’s not how I felt Wednesday.

I felt like the ground beneath me was shattering, that all I trusted was being washed away. I saged my apartment, and myself. I needed grounding.

While sage-ing, I went downstairs and saged around my puja and even my Anusara certificate. Dated 5/16/05. #134. Swami Muktananda’s Birthday. Suddenly I was grounded. Grounded in the recognition of change, and then the comfort of change. I realized looking at my certificate from 6 years ago that I had changed, a lot, yet my commitment to the practice and service as a teacher was intact. So intact that I felt a hit of grace and comfort wash over me at the remembrance of that, and then I remembered aparigraha.

Aparigraha is sanskrit and often is translated as “non-clinging” or “non-attachment”. As one of the Yamas and Niyamas, it is seen as one of the basic behaviors you’d benefit from learning how to do if you want to lead a balanced life. Traditionally this is taught as a full releasing of all attachments to material things, and in an extreme sense of asceticism, it means to live like a monk. Denounce everything and everyone, except your loyalty through practice to the Divine, and you’ll only then have a fair shot at getting close to the Divine. Not really how we define it these days, or at least how I define it in my life or practice.

I’ve come to understand aparigraha as a lessening of a grip on how things should or shouldn’t be, expectations of others, and the like. It’s a teaching of allowing things – and people – to change. A hard one for me to learn, but one that comes up for me again and again. Being in the flow, right?

Being in the flow is allowing the transformation of the kula to happen. For Darren and Christina to follow their hearts and be as creative in the world as possible. If no longer holding the Certification of Anusara serves them, then it serves us all. Allow Anusara to change. What if this is an opening? For others to shine brighter as they did, too? What if this is about me stepping up into a brighter place, and allowing myself to change?

Transmutation is happening for me, daily. I’m shedding. I’m clearing. I’m getting more honest. It doesn’t mean the change won’t be painful, but fighting the change turns the pain into suffering. Allow. Aparigraha. Allow it to flow.