legacy

I’ve been thinking a lot these days about what we leave behind, especially here, on the internet. Sometimes known as consequences, I prefer to think of it as Legacy. It has always scared the daylights out of me to become a blogger, knowing that what I put into writing becomes more real, and even permanent in the fabric of space-time. Not only is it permanent, but everyone sees it, and lately I’ve seen it can be ripped to shreds. Very little of the good remembered, but the ‘bad’, woa. Sometimes ripped to shreds with pretty words at the bottom (blessings! light! i honor you!), and its been painful to read that yoga folk each think they know what is Right.  Ah, the opinions of the self-righteous.

So I’ve been quiet on here. Many have praised my quietude. Maybe others have silently called me names, fit me into one camp or another, continuing the urge to group, classify, and predict the future. I do appreciate being noticed (I am a Sadge, after all), and noticed as a voice that’s missing, but I’ve been silent for real reasons, personal reasons, and because well, I’ve been inside my heart. Listening to my real wisdom while working out pain, frustration, and disappointment has been one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done for myself.

I see a bright future though, for everyone. That’s all I’m going to say about it now.

 

I leave Tuesday for 3 weeks in Bali, and 1 week in Singapore. I’ve not gone away from home for this amount of time in several years, and its both exciting and anxiety provoking. Tying up loose ends in all aspects of my functioning here in New York, making sure I have a good cat sitter, etc, is no easy task.

I’m also hugely aware that I leave a bit of myself behind when I travel and take time off from teaching the classes that have become so beloved to me. I was so aware of it this week that I infused every class with the inner poetry of the Legacy of Grace, learned only by turning inward toward it, to be drenched in it fully.  Teaching students to become more aware of their own inner Legacy of Grace and that upon visiting this inner Legacy that has already been gifted to you, it seeps outside into your life is the Legacy you leave on others. Maybe that’s what others have noticed in me these past few weeks.

I trust in my heart more than ever before, and its only because I now know how to really get there, and sit there, and listen. I see what clouds my heart, and I let it go, I burn it off, I let it move through me. I want only to leave behind the parts of me that are Grace. I can’t erase the past and the shitty things I’ve done, so, I ask for forgiveness. And, I offer forgiveness, to myself and to anyone else that has left shit all over me. A tall, tall task, but I’m a practitioner, after all, and I’m willing to be just that. I will practice.

oh, and the anxiety? I think I’m going to be teaching wearing a mic at the Bali Spirit Festival. Maybe the new Legacy will be Grace I know more intimately that fear and cold sweats will not be my reaction when the word ‘microphone’ is mentioned. ugh. Back to practice I go.

Blessings! Light! I honor you!  For reals, I’ll be back April 8th. Contact me through email or fb. Enjoy your practices. I have wonderful subs lined up for all my classes at YW and BnB.

With Great Love,

Julie