fully releasing

i have been here for quite some time, especially clear in this decision for a week.

Please remember, all of you reading this, that we have a common place. Even if you never liked me and felt pushed to be nice to me and friend me because that common place was the large yoga classroom we were all gathered, our energy gathered around one person. To that person reading this, congratulations for having a personal revelation that you can choose who to like and dislike.

To my students; I am letting go of my connection to AY. I am happy to explain what that means as we see each other. Feel free to ask me before or after class for an explanation.

For you, the student who attends class weekly or checks out a workshop, you’ll see and feel little change in my classes. What you may pick up on though is a deep, deep sadness coming through me that I will be unable to shake quickly. I am committed to use my practice to process, and bring my insights to class as my offering. This is sadhana. I am working hard.

To my fellow teachers on the path who have already released; I miss you. Truly. all of you. I can hardly speak about this because the pain is so deep. I miss you and have missed you through all of this because so many fractures of opinion, process, heartache, experience have made it difficult to stay connected, so I miss your connection. Even the hint of friendship felt better than this. I can appreciate the creation of Facebook boards to create connection, but for someone like me, better in person than in a public verbal sparring match seemingly becoming a place to explore/provoke, its been difficult. To all of you, I feel your pain, and if in some way my staying where I have has hurt you, I am deeply sorry. We have all been working so hard on this one. I miss knowing we’re together in this circle, but I release it, and see more clearly that we are in a much larger circle.

To the remaining teachers dedicated to shifting; I adore you, I support you, and I join your efforts with my love and energy, just not my time. I have to release this for my own life to continue in a healthy way. I know you understand this. I trust the creation of something great is on its way, be it a new name, a whole new community, or whatever.

To J; please brother, get well. I love you.

My practice has always been geared toward transformation. Of my body, my understanding of things, and ways I express myself. This entirely has been my life’s sadhana. I am committed to it, been married fully to it. I know myself well, so with that comes knowing my tendencies. One of them is toward being super firey, reactionary, and impulsive. I’ve been working so hard especially these past 3-4 years to shift that. Build a new pattern. Meditation has been my guiding light for that, and its helped tremendously. This is the reason I’ve stayed ‘on board’ for so long, and perhaps pissed people off or confused people in the process. Its important that I sit on my feelings, sit with them, and then express them. Like I’m doing now. So i did just that- I watched outwardly, read everything (really, everything!), but more importantly listened inwardly. Even if my conclusion was reached not today but days or weeks ago, there is so much love embedded inside and connected to Anusara, the kula, and J, letting go has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my lifetime. I am not fighting it. I wasn’t fighting it. I was processing it all.

I am open to talking. Email me: julie@shaktiyogany.com

Again, J; I love you, get well.

xo